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Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Take Fivers (NSFW!): Wedding From Hell a.k.a With Friends Like These - Priest's Part

If you still remember Rowan Atkinson's Skit before he acts as Mr. Bean, this would be interesting. Unfortunately, I labelled this blog entry X-rated due to the picture shown after this reminder. 


Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready? Let the shitty skit begin!




NARRATOR: Did you ever have one of those days when everything seemed to go wrong? I did. Unfortunately, it was my wedding day and three men in particular were to blame. It started with the priest...

[Lights rise on Rowan, who is in a black shirt with priest's collar, white jacket and black trousers. He is holding a bible. A small makeshift altar lies in the background]

PRIEST: I now pronounce you Man and Wife. Well done. You may now kiss the bride.  

[after a few seconds, he whispers to invisible Groom] 

Hehehe... Nice one. All right, please be seated everybody. I would just like to say a few words before communion. 

[The Guests are being seated and ready to hear Priest's words]

You know, a lot of perspective brides ask me these days, "Father, what is the Church's attitude to Fellatio?"  

[The priest idly plays with a Communion Wafer]

And I tend to reply by telling a little story about the first time I was asked that question.  

[The priest absently takes a bite from the wafer and then dips the uneaten half in the chalice of wine, finishing it off, during the next bit of dialogue.]  

It was a couple of years ago now... and the young, attractive bride-to-be came up to me after a service and asked just that question, "Father, what is the Church's attitude to Fellatio?"  And I replied, "Well you know, Joanne, I'd like to tell you.  But unfortunately I don't know what Fellatio is."  And so she showed me.  

=xxx=

And ever since, whenever anyone has asked me the question, "Father, what is the Church's attitude to Fellatio?" I always reply "Well you know, I'd LIKE to tell you.  But unfortunately I don't know what Fellatio is."  

[Lights dim]